A slight case of writer's block has set in as we're gearing up for our 2009 New Year's Eve celebration up in Westchester with friends. We're rushing around trying to get ready as my husband has high hopes of beating the traffic. I'm nearly finished packing for the overnight while my husband is spicing up his various homemade salsas.
We woke up to about two inches of snow so the hubs has had the TV stuck on the Weather Channel since 9AM. It's always very informative to know the temperature in South Carolina and how the roads are doing in Minnesota. I did hear the weather forecaster say many people feel sad around New Year's Eve. She's right. For some reason I always feel this wave of depression on December 31st. I think about how I wish I had done this or too bad that didn't happen. Projects we never did start. Additional weight gained rather than lost. Debts that didn't dwindle as much as we had hoped. Family members that are no longer here with us. Just sad thoughts.
I hate to bring you down.
It's just that I've never been one of those upbeat, positive types. That person I've always envied. That person with high hopes for the coming year. That person who usually sticks to their resolutions and accomplishes what they set out to do and then some. That person that will earn more money this year than last. That person that will, no doubt, look better this year than they did last year. Yeah, that has never been me. But that's OK. I accept that.
Curious to see what I had to say on New Year's years ago, I hit the diaries and here's what I discovered. It's sort of embarrassing, but I trust you guys. I trust you won't rub it in my face or make me feel worse than I already do.
As always, thanks for reading. It means a lot to me.
December 31, 1981 Thurs (I was 8)
I and my brother got in truble from the man at the store. (I swear, that's all it says!)
January 1, 1984 (I was 11)
Today I went to Shoppers Village and bought 2 pairs of neon earrings, pink socks, thick white laces and a big red brush. I also babysat for Mark and made $13. I got my pictures developed of Eddie. He looks so cute.
January 1, 1986 (I was 13)
Happy New Year! Last night I slept over Serena's house. It was probably the best New Year's Eve ever. We both missed the ball fall, we waited all night and then at 11:59 we went into a roar of laughter, I almost peed my pants. Serena actually did and her parents got all mad!
Uncle Tony and Aunt Sue are leaving tonight. They and Grandma and Grandpa ate over. Last night I was reading my old diary and all of a sudden now I miss Hofstra summer acting camp. It was so much fun! My hair is in five braids. It's 10:30. Good night.
January 1, 1989, Sunday (I was 16)
Last night I went to Val's party. She's so sweet. I slept over. It was better than sitting home with my parents and having nothing to do. The people there were extremely strange. I taped some of Val's music from her Smiths, Cure and New Order albums. I went home in the morning, very early. I got very little sleep. I'm so depressed. This blanket of cold depression has taken over. I don't want to go to school. I wish I could lose a lot of weight. I need to find some diet pills at Rockbottom. (An old drug store chain near our house.)
December 31, 1989 9PM (I was 17 and yes, I wrote the time!)
I figured I should make an entry, this being the last three hours of 1989. The end of a decade. So much has happened in the last 10 years of my life. I've gone from a child to almost a college student. I've even lost my, well, you know. Speaking of which, I miss Joe to the point of death. I miss my room, my phone, my cats. Joe didn't send me any flowers. I really don't feel like writing. I'm very depressed, lonely and bored.
-- I just realized that was the year I was in Florida for Christmas. I had a great time, but missed my high school boyfriend big time!
January 1, 1991 Tuesday at 4 am (I was 18)
Well it's the 4th hour of the first day of 1991. Joseph and I are finally breaking up. I always knew I'd start the year off right! Tonight Eric and Scott stopped by and the weirdest thing happened, I began to actually miss high school. Believe it or not! I miss the beginning of 11th grade when Scott and I just became friends. I hope this year's a good one. I got my grades: Science 1.0, Health, 2.5, English 2.0, Message Design 2.5 and Sociology 2.0 Great first semester! I'm so drunk right now.
My resolutions are:
- Lose 50 lbs
- Improve my grades to a 3.0
- Find a new boyfriend!
- Make new friends
- Get into New Paltz (I was rejected and went to Community College the next year)
- Make some friends on Long Island (I did, and most of us are all still very close to this day!)
January 2, 1994, Sunday (I was 21)
New Years was a blast! Gideon (my college boyfriend) came in on Thursday around 5ish... Friday, NYE, we went into the city and went to Williamsburg, Brooklyn to an underground warehouse party. It was so cool. It was only $7 per person they gave out free bottles of champagne and I got drunk.