I went through a very rough period of depression from the start of the school year in 1986 (9th grade) until basically the day I graduated high school.
This particular diary is purplish pink and is actually a hardcover journal which I believe was purchased through a book club at school. It was made "Especially for Girls" and actually says so in fancy writing along the inside lining of the journal.
The top of the page says "My Secrets..."
What were my secrets in September of 1986 at age 13? Hang on, I'm about to tell you. But... I feel slightly scared to. You have to promise not to judge me. Please? Okay... You must also promise to still love me and visit my blog again another day. Alright? No matter what!
"I'm not having any kids. I'm very unhappy. I'm a very unhappy person. I dislike my father a lot. I'm a loner. I love to be alone. I love The Monkees. I wish I was as pretty as Micky Dolenz daughter Ami Dolenz. I like quiet. I don't know if there's a God. I dread school more than anything in the entire world. I don't get along with my family very well. I have thought of different ways to kill myself. I have had very deep conversations with Danny and Sean. Very deep, private conversations. I am very, very depressed about school."
I remember there were a few years where I couldn't stand my father. We clashed most days. He hated that I spent late nights on the phone. I think that the" not getting along well with my family" thing must have been an adolescence phase. I'm not a parent, so I don't know first-hand, but I hear kids go through a rough stage once they hit 13.
I find it funny that the first line says that I'm not having any kids. Here I am, still unsure if I'm having any kids. I don't know if there's a god, I consider myself agnostic. Sadly, I can't lie, every once in a while the thought of a painless death crosses my mind, but fear has always stopped me.
PS This was Ami Dolenz. She had some bit parts in movies like Can't Buy Me Love and played Sloane on the TV series version of Ferris Bueller.
