Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Most Painful Breakup

Getting dumped sucks.

One of my favorite bloggers, Jules, the cool chick behind Mean Girl Garage recently reflected back on a college romance gone wrong when her boyfriend cheated on her. Now, although I don't have actual proof that my college boyfriend cheated on me, one thing I can relate to is the feeling of heartbreak.

She is happily married today, as am I, but one thing's for sure, you never forget the most painful breakup. We've all been there and it downright sucks. I'm not gonna lie. It's just a pain you never want to experience again. Obviously no relationship is infallible and nothing is a sure thing. I just honestly hope I never have to revisit that deep, dark emo place ever again.

Although Jules' guy flat out admitted he cheated and fell for someone new, my situation was slightly different. My college boyfriend and I were together for 3.5 years. I was certain he was the one. He was artistic. He was cool -- born and raised in NYC. He was extremely intelligent. He was that guy you could ask random questions and like some sort of human Wiki, he had the answer. I was beyond smitten and it sucked.

We survived a somewhat long distance relationship. We met at a university an hour from my childhood home on Long Island. He excelled. I failed. He stayed. I left. I transferred to a less intense major at a small private college. Somehow we managed to stay together and spent the next three years worth of weekends together. I basically ruined his college experience to be honest. Whatever... 

Once we graduated, his family wanted him to get his own place. I wasn't ready to move out. I was working part-time for a publisher three days a week at a whopping $10 an hour. I just didn't know how I'd swing renting a place in Manhattan without a full-time gig. He was working in a museum gift shop also earning $10 an hour while trying to secure something having to do with his major. Even though it was 1997, there was no way a couple with a combined income of like $1500 a month could swing a place in NYC. 

My folks weren't keen on the idea of us living together. There was no talk of marriage and they brought up weird scenarios like if we bought a couch together, who would keep it if we broke up? I panicked and pressured him. Things began to take a turn for the worst. I could feel him slipping away and tried to hold on by giving him an espresso machine as a late Valentine's Day gift. I should have realized he was hours away from dumping me when he kept saying he couldn't accept such a gift.

I remember the night like it was yesterday. Our final weekend together. We spent Friday night at a TGI Friday's and he left rather early on Saturday. He told me he had to work that Sunday. We usually kept in touch, but this weekend, nothing. Saturday night and all of Sunday came and went. My calls went unanswered. By midnight on Sunday, I knew it was over. I could just feel it. He had ignored all of my "pages" as this was before cell phones. 

Finally around 1 AM, I got the call. He was quiet. He began telling me he was talking to his friend and well, he no longer wanted to be with me. He didn't want to marry me and it would be best if we end it. I discovered somehow that he "met" a new girl from his new job rather fast. My guess is he was seeing her on the side, though I'll never truly know. Honestly at this point in my life, I'm so in love with my husband that I really don't care. 

The pain I felt those next few months was unbearable. I had lost my best friend and it hurt so deeply. Every morning, I'd ride the train to work and go over all of the mistakes I had made in our relationship. Behind dark sunglasses, my eyes would be pink and swollen with tears.

I felt so empty, alone and betrayed. The truth is it hurt because I didn't get to do it first. I had wanted to end things and just kept thinking maybe it would get better. It never really did. I think I reached a point where I was more in love with the idea of him than him. I think for me, it was the rejection. It killed me that someone didn't want to be connected to me anymore. That was what broke my heart.

How about you? Breakups are something almost everyone has in common. We've all been the dumpee or dumper at some point...


Bossy Betty said...

Awww....That was a longtime romance and so of course is was painful. I guess these kinds of things are a part of living but they still hurt. You've written a post we can all relate to one way or another.

Jenny said...

Wow...My heart kinda cracked reading that story. Not because I'm feeling sorry for you, because obviously you're much happier now, but...well, heartache is something I think most people can relate to.

I know that feeling, and I haven't even had a relationship that has lasted very long. Thanks for sharing :)

Oilfield Trash said...

This made me sad.

Margie said...

Wow. What a story, Ally.

I was the dumper. It was a long distance relationship and he obviously didn't trust me though I never gave him a reason to. I was always faithful. It started to fall apart when he tried to pressure me into sex by using the famous, "Oh, you don't love me?" It was over when I told him I was going to a local theme park with a girlfriend. He tried to prohibit me from going because, according to him, I met someone there? Gasp! I replied, "Dude, I have a dad and you're not him. Later!" It broke my heart though, all that stuff he would tell me but I'm glad I never caved in. Ugh.

Ms. A said...

I can relate. I've experienced it from both sides, as the dumper and the dumpee. Being the dumper is much easier... we've already thought it out and wrapped our mind around it. The dumpee... not so much.

Ally said...

Thanks for reading and for your comments. It's something we've all experienced at one time or another.

Tiffany Kadani said...

Such a horrible and honest story. Seriously, I felt so much pain reading about it. Especially that gift. Urgh. The worst.

My story was pretty sad but in all honesty I just hate thinking about how stupid I was. Maybe that's why the heartache was so bad because I knew it was my own stupidity. Pride always makes pain that much bigger.

♥ Fluttershy ♥ said...

that looks like a pill hard to swallow :P

MoonDoggie said...

I remember my mum advised once that when I started 'dating' to be the one that ends things as it hurts too much the other way.
As wise as her advice may be, I've never actually taken it. sigh.

Ally said...

@Dancing it's so very true!

@Sleemec it's a candy heart, not a pill, but I see you're from Poland - maybe candy hearts aren't popular there.

@MoonDoggie as always, mom is right and my mom said the same thing. Such as life. said...

Yeah, you describe that deep, dark pain with such humanness. I think everyone can relate. My marriage was my only long term relationship. Of course, that was going to last forever else I wouldn't have entered into it. The pain is indescribable. Time helps but, like you say, you can go back to that place really easily. Damn. I hope you kept the espresso machine! (I kept the china.)

Marlene said...

Awww, that's sad. :(

I've honestly never been dumped...and hope never to experience it, from the sounds of things.

(Oops...that means I've done a lot of dumping.)

Ada said...

This is such a sad story and I have to admire you for baring your heart like that. I don't have a story myself because my first boyfriend and I are still together, but I'm terrified of losing him that way.


Share |