My Heart Hurts When Birds Chirp

Lisa Marie's entry Are You What You Eat and this morning's tweeting birds are today's blog inspiration. 

I must be the only person alive that dreads spring every year. I love the fall. I love the winter. I love wearing sweaters. It's a fat thing. Trust me. I don't like to blog about my chub unless it's just a quick description or mention, for example my Not So-Tiny-Dancer entry. I try to center my blog posts around funny stories about my childhood to keep a light, upbeat mood in hopes of  bringing you all back for a new tale each day. Today, I'm gonna get real with ya'll and hope you're supportive, kind and still love me, even though, I'm supah-dupah chub-a-licious. 

This morning I heard them in all their melodic glory. Tweeting away--real tweeting, not like Twitter tweeting--alerting us of the melting snow and rising temperatures. My heart sinks every March and April. Each year I swear by summer I will be lighter. Notice I didn't say "thin" or "thinner" -- I'm just looking to feel better about myself, even if it means I'm down two or three clothing sizes.

Every January I begin the year with the same ole weight loss resolution. I can't join a gym, because I'm already a member. That dates back to my 2006 weight loss resolution. I did drop about three sizes then returned to my crappy fast food loving ways. 

Yes, I've seen all of the food industry documentaries and am aware of books like Skinny Bitch, etc. I know what I have to do, it's one of the few thins I'm actually somewhat of an expert on. Dieting since the age of 12 does that to a person. I'm just basically a food addict and I can admit that. 

No, I wasn't abused or ignored as kid. You already know like my entire life story if you've been following me for the past few months. Here's the big secret, I just like crappy eats. I make poor choices and can't control portions. That's it. Oh and maybe toss in some chubby genetics and age.

This January, I tossed out the free membership coupons and skipped my annual Weight Watchers sign up. It was time to pull out the big guns and fight this battle of the bulge with more intensity. Thanks to my friend Ashley, serious tactics and ammo were passed my way. This is my very last hope before turning to surgical intervention. 

It's this starvation, I mean doctor-recommended weight loss program called Medifast and it's basically powdered shakes, soups, eggs, bars and snacks. I'm not gonna lie, the "food" tastes nasty. Sure, the members on the Medifast Facebook fan page suggest adding Splenda, sugar-free syrups, whip creams and low sodium herbs and spices, etc. Nothing is going to convince me to enjoy this food so I skip the "turn the powdered soup into bread" recipe BS. I'm only doing Medifast as a means to get take this weight off and to jump start a healthier way of life. 

Look, I know what you're thinking. "What is your problem, Ally? Just make better choices. Select healthy chicken, fish (I hate all seafood, remember?) and veggies." I don't know what stops me. Sometimes price, sometimes time. It's much easier to swing by a drive-thru than cook. I know I can count points. I know point-counting worked for you, your coworker or your sister-in-law. It doesn't work for me. I get confused counting this and that and find myself loading up on 200+ calorie bread simply because it's high in fiber and only counts as like 2 points.

Medifast is easy! I need easy. This is why I refuse to get caught up in the recipes everyone raves about. I just want to add water to the instant chicken noodle soup and be done with it. I don't want to jazz up my pudding. Honestly, if I obviously cared about taste, I would just buy a 100 calorie JELL-O brand fat-free puddin' which is seriously yummy. The point of turning to Medifast was not only to lose weight at a quicker pace, it was the no-brainer part that really won me over.

Regarding taste--don't get me wrong, there are a handful of Medifast products I actually enjoy, such as the blueberry oatmeal, the Maintenance Bars in Caramel Nut and 70 Shakes in Dutch Chocolate. I'm allowed five of these instant meals and one "lean and green" meal.  Lean and Green consists of 4-7 ounces of lean meat, fish or meatless meal purchased/prepared out or at home with 1.5 cups of veggies. The "lean and green" meal is flexible depending on how strict I wanna be.

I've only lost 23 pounds in five weeks, but that's because I've cheated here and there. The cheating must come to an end though. The cheating is what got me here in the first place. Since Sunday I have decided it's time to really stick with it. I want to do this. I have to do this. I'm not looking to become some hottie in a bikini. I just want to feel better about myself and be a smaller size than I am today. Ya know maybe have just one chin instead of two. But most importantly, come Spring 2011, I don't want to feel as if my heart hurts when the birds chirp. 

PS Ironically, my buddy Ashley is the best baker I've ever met. Her cupcakes are killer. Check out her blog, The Cupcake Cauldron here!