My Sinful Career Choice At Age 12

Yet another Catholic school horror story 
for your reading pleasure.

In this post on Wednesday, I promised to fill you in on this horrible forced career discussion I had with a fifth grade nun. Here ya go...

Eighth grade was a monumental year. As a Catholic school kid it meant graduation and confirmation. Big and exciting changes for a kid. Part of the confirmation process required each kid to survive an interview with an assigned random teacher. I was sent to speak with a 70-year-old fifth grade nun, Sr. Frances Dorothy.

I was sweaty and nervous. Sitting on a hard, creaking wooden chair next to her hulking metal desk, I tugged on my black snug-fitting polyester uniform skirt. Sitting meant the skirt would rise a bit above my knee and I dreaded her putrid frown. I did my best to brush off and flatten my goldenrod button-down blouse and hideous skirt-matching black polyester vest. No lie, I looked like a fat bumblebee. Only I wasn't  young and adorable like that little bumblebee girl in the Blind Melon video.

Not quite as cute in my yellow and black school uniform.

She rattled off several standard questions, which I answered as best I could. Things were going rather smoothly until we hit upon a question I wan't quite prepared for. "Have you thought about your future? What career path do you see yourself following?" Lady, I'm 12 -- I had late birthday syndrome making me younger than my classmates. What the hell kind of question is that? 

Sitting as straight as I could--posture was important to nuns--I told her the truth. We were taught as Christians that lying was a sin. It was always a no-win for me. My truths always got me detention. Kinda like the time I got busted for fessing up to forging Alfred's mom's signature on his failing quiz to protect him from getting in trouble -- the things we do for love.  

I longed to be a television actress. I felt movies would be too difficult to land, but maybe the chubby sidekick on a show or cute high school guy's younger sister. Ya know, like Tracey Gold in Growing Pains? I was going to make it. I attended Hofstra University's summer drama camp that past summer. I had talent. Not. 

I'd be happy just playing the chubby sidekick.

I blurted out my career plans as Sr. Frances remained still and tight-lipped. She cleared her throat and began to tell me how my career choice was sinful. It was a selfish world filled with money, backstabbing and booze. She reprimanded me and suggested I do some serious soul searching and find a more respectable career like nursing or teaching. 

Flustered and panicked, I began defending myself saying I would make large donations to Catholic charities. I told her many celebrities like Oprah and Bill Cosby help others. She didn't want to hear another word about it. The subject was changed and she shooed me out of her classroom. 

If Sr. Frances was alive today, I'd like to tell her I had four children's books published, but guess what? She'd be disappointed that they were all about, gasp, CELEBRITIES. Hey, if you can't be one, write about one. Right?

Thirsty for more tales from an EIGHTH grade nothing? Here's a diary entry from back in the day. Bonus picture of what I looked like that year. Ick.

Why I Loved The Jewish Holiday

One of the perks of being a Catholic school student and having parents who taught in public school was that they always pulled us out of school for the Jewish holidays and took us on a mini vacation to Vermont.

Mom was a sucker for fall foliage and would plan awesome trips to Vermont which seemed really extravagant, but actually weren't thanks to the Entertainment Book. The Entertainment Book, for those of you who have never seen one, is this huge book filled with great coupons. People sometimes sell them as fundraisers. Back in the '80s the Entertainment Book had amazing deals for resorts. Now it's like "$1 off a $20 deluxe car wash" "Buy one Big Mac get one FREE."

Seriously? Who buys just a Big Mac? Isn't it all about the Value Meal? When was the last time you waited on that endless drive-thru line behind six moms driving minivans and simply ordered, One Big Mac? Actually maybe people do and I'm in the dark...



We always stayed at this awesome resort complete with a crystal clear indoor swimming pool, hot tub, bike baths and tennis courts (not that I played tennis). The inn's quaint dining room served the most delicious gourmet meals and every day at 3PM there was an afternoon tea service in the lounge area. I especially loved the veggies and dill dip! I'd hang out by the lobby fireplace, catching up on the latest Ralph Macchio scoops from Tiger Beat and learn the proper way to apply lipstick from YM magazine. I felt so grown up sipping herbal tea and people watching while blasting the Beach Boys on Dad's old silver Sony Walkman with the spongy orange headphones.



The fun began from the moment we pulled out of the driveway. I actually liked the long "road trip" style drive from Long Island to New England. We'd set up the backseat with our pillows and magazines - there wasn't Nintendo DS or portable DVD players back then. The highlight of the ride would be stopping at rest stops and loading up on Combos and Twix bars.

We'd spend one day at the outlets and fill the trunk with Dexter shoes and polo shirts. The next day involved the outdoors and start out with a few hours on the Alpine Slide, which I enjoyed most of all. It's pretty ironic to me now that I've become this really fearful adult who steers clear of roller coasters, rides and horror movies.

But at age 11, Pico Mountain was no match for me! I hopped right on and sped down that Killington mountain, wind whipping through my hair and not a care in the world. Well, maybe one care - I recall thinking that if the kid ahead of me suddenly stops, then what do I do? Today, I would never even dream of planting my fat ass on one of those things.



Looking back now, I think there was something really cool about taking a vacation with my family while the other kids were stuck in school. I don't think this was something most of my other classmates did. We only took this particular time off because of the Jewish holiday. It was the only time we didn't have off from school at the same time as my parents. In fact, I think we had more holidays off than they did - my personal favorite was All Saints Day! I mean, what kid doesn't want off the day after Halloween? That was like the best Halloween treat ever!

PS When I first met my husband, I told him about the inn and it turned out he too went there as a child. We took our very first Thanksgiving together there and even took a photo together by the fireplace. I thought about having our wedding there, but sadly the resort has since closed.